What do I really want from 2009? Or may be what can I give 2009? I ponder, what can I give... what all I can give to this year...a part of me that I no longer need, a dream I no longer care for, a journey I don't want to go to and still, I want to give words, a mouthful of words to this year...so that when this year looks back at me, it knows that I spoke and wrote my heart out on it, scribbled the crevices of my dreams to smoothen the edges of this year....
I dream
to return
what was gifted
to me
by all the years
that have gone by
Some of the years that I remember fondly...madly...passionately....the years that took everything away from me and the years that gave me everything....
1989-- My first ever on stage Bharatanatyam performance, my first ever interview in Hindustan Times
I met Arshiya Sethi...who became a guide through my trying times...
1993--My Arangetrum
1994- My God father's death
1993,4,5-- Years I was drenced in dance
1999- Didi got married...a step that was to take our family through a whirlwind of events and emotions for next 8 years...
1999-2003- College Years....Friends-- Pragati, Namrita, Deeksha, Kaustuv, Sunit, Nandini, Vidu...People who left a deep impact on my life....some changed it forever...some left me...for good... They stood by me through my most trying times...
2000-- My first ever article appeared in Indian Express...
2001--I remember, Didi's dreadful call...my friends making a cover around me in college..and me crying my guts out....Didi's pain turned me into a poet...a poet riddled with violence...]
Didi came to India..on a wheelchair...it broke me completely...
---My first book of poems...Split Ends... was released...the rush of introducing it to the audience is still fresh in my blood...
2002--Got close to Shanta Serbjeet Singh...My mentor in the world of arts...Learned a great deal from her....The relationship of the mentor with her protege...reached its height in 2005-06.
I was nominated for Rolex Mentor protege Arts initiative...missed it coz I was under age...a loss that ripped me....made me insecure....more than ever...I was lost...
My second book came out...Where Must I go...?
2003--Didi got divorced
Supriya entered my life...My best friend, my confidant, my soul mirror....
I fell in love for the first time....the madness and passion that followed....drove me mad....
Shubha, Polly, Neerja...entered my life...and brought with them abundance....
2004-- Subbudu called and said, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan wanetd to publish his biography...The year took me to my most spectacular journey into the world of arts--- I was sold to words...sold to the 89 year old man...His words ring my heart....You will go far Lada...I dig each word...today...I dig it...
He gave away his identity--His column in the Statesman of 54 years to me....I became the youngest columnist on art and culture...
2005-- The release of Subbudu's biography... My third book, Beyond Destiny: The Life and Times of Subbudu...
My column in The Statesman had become a rage...fetching me compliments and brickbats from the high and the mighty...
Went to Jordan to attend the World Culture Summit...youngest member again..it filled me with pride...
Got involved with ICCR's ambitious plan to have WCF in Delhi...in 2008
Mom's professional crisis began...
2006-- SNA invited me to become the guest editor for a special issue on Healing Through Arts with Special Reference to Tsunami Victims...The Issue was a sold out...
Mom's professional crisis became seriosus...and I put on hold every thing that was going on in my life...Every thing stopped for me...Still don't know where I got the courage to do all that I did...
2007--Subbudu died..and left a deep vacuum in my heart that will never be filled...I still remember my last meeting ..2 days before he died... He was sleeping...Suddenly he woke up and without muttering placed his hand on my head... Where did he get that energy from? I will never know the answer to that....His eyes closed, his hand on my head....I seek that hand every time, I feel naked...my soul feels naked...
Mom's Professional Crisis ended...I resumed my professional life...
Joined Headlines Today...a move that was going to change a lot of things in my life..
Didi got re married....
I joined NDTV and left it...re joined HT
2008--Continued with HT...bumped into my mentor Rukmini...realised how empty I was in so many ways...She helped me become a better being--professionally and personally...Sometimes hated her for bringing a change in me...in something that I thought was perfect...till I realised how imperfect I was...
Fell in love big time...my most serious relationship so far...a move that forced me to re-evaluate my most immediate relationships...
2009-- Let's see..what you have to offer...
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2 comments:
There is so much that one can tell and so much more one can hear. All it takes the energy and breathes to walk through those moments again and live and die all those experiences that one has had through this time. You did that not only for u but for many of us in this post...Hope 2009 brings the strength to read through this and more in lives...and of course merrysome times :) All the best laddie!
DUDE WHY DO U REMEMBER SO MUCH?
GIVE UP ON SOME OF THOSE MEMORIES AND YOU WILL FEEL...LIGHTER.
the past is called 'past' for a reason... you cant, shouldnt ...live in it
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