The Death of a Poet

Last Night, I tried looking for a collection of poems, "The Otherness of Self", mom gifted me on my 19th Birthday. I vaguley remember a particular line from the entire collection, " Imagine being caught in a sky".I remember this line, because it mirrored my state of mind, at that time, and perhaps, also at this point of time.
When I first read it, I wondered how could a young poet, write so well, so profoundly. This line was written by an 21 year old man. His name is Feroze Varun Gandhi.
Three days ago, when I first heard Varun's controversial speech in Pilibhit, I couldn't believe that the words were his. The words that riddled through our fragile secular matrix. Words that could excite masses and create communal tension. Varun Gandhi, 29 now, remains unapologetic about parts of his speech while claiming that the portions inciting communal hatred are doctored.
What I saw, in the speech was also a great deal of , I-AM THE SAVIOUR" tone. The messish who is here to wash away all the problems of Hindus in Pilibhit. The Kasth Vinayank Varun Gandhi.
Ironically, Varun supposedly perforated, Gandhian philosophy of Non Voilence. He was shown saying, " If somebody slaps you on one cheek, don't place your other cheek in front of the person. rather cut off that person's arms, so that he/she can never hit you or some one else again". Strangely, Varun has a Gandhi to his name.
Varun remains unapologetic about his stance. He has spoken of horrid tales that Hindus in Pilibhit are going through-- the slaughtr of cows on one side and the smuggling of arms on the other. I wonder if Maneka ( or Varun) raised these issues in Parliament or other forums, since she happens to be Pilibhit's sitting MP.
Varun's reply to the accusations, that he is a proud Hindu appear a little fudgy, since his Grand Father was Feroze Gandhi was a Parsi. His mother, Maneka Gandhi is a Sikh. But then, he is a poet, he knows his words well and that's the reason why, Varun has chosen to go on offensive, hoping that words, that combition of letters, he crafts so well, wouldn't fail him.
But in all of this, have we lost out on a young poetic mind of good calibre? Has the Poltiician dwarfed the Poet for good? I understand, his level of frustration. Nehru Gandhi legacy is not for him, but for his cousins. I can imagine, the pain, Maneka would have gone through when her name was black listed from Nehru gandhi dynasty for good. But does it all justify the death of a poet. The man who welcomed his 20s with images, colours and words. The man who bids farewell to his 20s with words of hatred, images of trishuls and a mind coloured in saffron.
I am still looking for "The Otherness of Self".

I saw the eyes...

I saw the eyes
old and sad
looking at me
seeking
the tip of my finger
asking it
to stretch its skin
between their lashes
heavy with the
monsoonal
fatigue.

A caravan of
lullabies
had walked by
last night
and
the eyes
old and sad
remembered
the
sound of
cymbals; the procession
of the Gods and Goddesses
who knew those eyes


through their endless trips
scaling the gopurams
locating
the curves of their bodies
carved by an unknown
soothsayer.


The eyes had walked
through the bodies
scented with the heat
of love procured
over a cup of coffee.


The eyes
old and sad
darted in
and out of bed sheets
And as I lay next to
them
I saw the eyes
old and sad
filling up
with sepia verses
of love,
for the bodies
scribbled
with a farewell note


each day
promising
to turn them young

And each night
bringing them
not their youth
but a body
they saw
carved in the temples
and in the haze
of a smoke filled
room.

I am the woman

Wrote the following poem after I saw this hauntingly beautiful pic of a friend...

I have eyes
that follow you
till your shadow
leaves you

I have lips
that can count
your smiles
and glances

Abundance
waits on me,
as I wait
for you.

I am the woman
you love,
I am the woman,
I love.

The Night is here...

The night is here,
stretching its skin
over the city
where I was born.

I am the skin
that wears this night
sculpting my body
like the shadows
that have no eyes or ears.

The night is here,
and I see my mother
filling up its empty
crevices with her hands.
She loves the night
imagining itto be her child.

It smells, she says
of her breast milk.
The night is here,
I stand next to the painting
swallowing its million colours
in one breath.
The cobwebs
in my throat
are coloured
by the grey brush
of the painter.

The night is here
and I see lazy rainbow
sprouting from
my nave
lthe chakras of Vishnu
the skulls of Shiva's necklace
the lotus of Brahma
balance my navel
on the other end.
I awake from the dream,
The night is here,
and I see the shadows
walking through me
holding the maps
and the seeds.

A seed plucked
from my father drops
on the map
burning all the boundaries
that were everborn on its body.
The night births me
on that map.

I am born
to the shadows
and the maps.

Supple Colours

I am made of colours.
Colours that are
not red like my blood
or blue like my veins
pale like my skin
or brown like my eyes.

Colours that don't
dry or age.

Colours that
are there on your paint brush.

Colours that were sprinkled,
splashed,
sometimes thrown
casually.

Colours that don’t rinse
and let me see what
I was like
before you coloured me.

Colours
That made my body
a canvas

Colours that made
you a painter.

Obamaaaa or Odrama!

Putting forward an interesting conversation that I had accidentally.

LL at 01:04, on 22 January.
I have to respond to ur status since I absolutely disagree. Maybe it didn't move anyone in India but it certainly moved everyone in the US. " We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. " This was said after the Inauguration was opened by a catholic priest as is always the tradition. Not impactful to you but definitely touched my Jewish acting teacher. Plus why is everyone in India looking for Obama to bring about change? People in the US don't rely on the President/PM of India. We should look for our own leader for change and hope that the rest of the world has great leaders like Obama who can be a fuel to the process while initiating change in their own countries.


Me at 01:11, on 22 January.
Another thing Change is a process not a light switch that you switch on and off. Its not something that will happen overnight.

Lada Singh at 02:48, on 22 January.
LL , just read your comments. I think no one is suggesting/looking for a change in India through Obama. All that, we are trying to say, is that Obama has been rattling off the same thing over and over again. He has spoken about change not how he will bring about the change. US as a secular nation is not a new point brought forward by Obama. We mustn't forget that Obama never used the word Hussein during his campaign. We mustn't also forget that Obama does not represent the actual Black masses--economically and socially. However, he consistently played up the black gene. We mustn't also forget that Obama is an ambitious man and not a saint, America is believing him to be. Yes, what Obama has done to America..none of the contemporary leaders have done to their nations. He has united his country and that is a huge thing to do but how does he plan to sustain it.

Lada Singh at 02:50, on 22 January.
The discussion above was not a reaction to Obama's idea of change but the lack of anything new and substantive or different that we all expected him to be...on his inaugural day. And worry not, we don't want Obama to change things for anyone else, but just correct things gone wrong with the States. :)
LL at 03:12, on 22 January.
Lada, I think the problem with us is that we're constantly looking for something 'new and different' from Obama. Why should anything 'new and different' be mentioned in his inauguration speech. The reason why he was elected was because of his beliefs and ideologies that connected with most of America. And just on day 1 of him being President lets give him the opportunity to enforce what he has believed in first. Thats hotch potch politics in India where promises are met by more promises. About the Hussein topic, Your name on face book is Lada Singh...ur middle name is not used as well . And most people don't use it unless its for documentation purposes. Why is no fuss being made about Joe Biden not using his middle name or John McCain or Sarah Palin. And even if it was strategicialy avoided its a good thing because America was definitely not ready for a Muslim president. I know quite a few who were turned off by Obama's middle name being Hussein.
LL at 03:20, on 22 January.
Cont... An African American contesting was a challenge in itself. And I guess its one step at a time.About the Change that Obama would bring about...his policies to initiate that change and the medium to go about the same are clearly drafted and available both on his website and were made known by him during the 3 presedential debates where he and McCain discussed and debated on almost all policies from foreign affairs to the environment. His plan supporting his ideologies was laid out. Thats why America voted for him. A inauguration speech to a nation is not the place to discuss action plans especially when they're laid out already instead it is to instill faith in a nation that lost hope with its last president.

LL at 03:21, on 22 January.
ignore the typos...lol

Me at 03:30, on 22 January.
LL , Not new or different but substantive. That's the crux. On Nov 4 night he says, "Change has come to America". Really? Was that the case?An inaugural address is a blueprint of a leader's vision, not a repeated dose of hope,change and blah. No one is taking away the time factor from him. He has four years with him. The reference to Obama speech boring is our personal opinion. As for your comments about Indian politicians making promises,Politicians are same every where. And you have answered my issue about the Hussein topic. Obama chose not to use the name Hussein because America was not ready for it. Wouldn't it have been more transperant of him, to be proud of his mix culture and gene? As for me using Lada Singh, Its just here on facebook. All my programs on television or my books and articles carry the full name..and no, the name doesn't indicate a different religion, which is a case with Barak Hussein Obama.

LL at 03:31, on 22 January.
I'm also not sure what u mean by Obama not representing the African American masses economically and socially?...Pls elaborate on what u think is the 'African American masses'? I hope its not the same assumption that majority of people in India lives below the poverty line hence A.R.Rahman doesn't represent India?In anycase Obama may be rich now but he did come from a poor family. Before his book the Audacity of Hope was published he hardly had money and it was his earnings from the book that got him started though yet not enough for the presedential race. Remember Bill Clinton questioning the same when Obama was running against Hillary. He called Obama's chances something that only happens in fairy tales then and (while I think Bill Clinton was a fab prez), Obama proved him wrong.



Me at 03:34, on 22 January.
I see your point and I agree with it. But, when we talk of policies etc, we have an Obama team of veterans in place. The leader is fresh and new. Yes, he has a chance to create history and I am positive he will, but the issue here, is about the speech being boring. And yes, it was terribly boring. :) American voting patterns indicated a 90% black vote, plus the fact that Clinton pitched in to. The age factor too contributed a great deal. I am not taking anything away from Obama. But America voted for him because of heart not head. There is nothing wrong, but not every thing is right about it either.



Me at 03:44, on 22 January.
Obama's mother only took care of him for a short time. Most of his life he lived with his grandmother, who was an executive at a bank, his grandfather, owned his own successfull chain of furniture stores. His moms parents were not poor, perhaps not ultra wealthy but certainly upper middle class. Obama's father was also a well-to-do college student from Kenya (that's how they met.). His grandfather was an Arab slave trader in Africa (neither were sheepherders as he is fond of saying). Obama went to college & law school through affirmative action. It was all written about last year in Time & Newsweek magazines as well as other periodicals.In the face of above, Obama was not an ideal Afro American, west has painted him to be. His issues with drugs did not come out of poverty but out of lack of direction. As for his nominations, I wouldn't want to get into the details of Florida and Michigan Primary Controversies.


Me at 03:45, on 22 January.Cont...
As for Bill C comment, All I would say is that there was a Michelle O comment too..about how she finally felt proud of America...(( coz her husband was running for President!!) People do say things...I still am positive about Obama but yes, the speech was boring! :P
================
The debate is still on...

I have a dream made of Navarasa

I dont wish for any one particular emotion/sentiment to rule my life. I don't aspire for one kind of state of mind..I seek all colours of emotions-- the good, the bad and the ugly...so that I can live with all intensity...with all the joy and the pain...that comes with a life lived on one's terms, one's judgement and without any apologies. It's an acceptance that while we may aspire to be white or black, grey, brown,blue,yellow,red,maroon are the colours that really define us!

Look at Krsna...He embodied everything that was human-- that was attainable and yet because he had the abundance of everything, he became a super human being.

Incidentally, as I am writing this, I am hearing Keshavya Namaha from Bombay Jayshri's album Shravanam. Ironic? Perhaps, inspiring.

Assembling it in one word, one life.

Sometimes, I feel, there is so much inside me that I will never be able to share it, no matter how many words, expressions and thoughts, I share with others. A storm blows in my head, ravaging every sentiment of hope, at times. Life suddenly becomes impossible to handle-- so many things bog me down. It appears as if no matter what I do, I wouldn't be able to assemble it all. A casual remark by the lover lingers in my mind, an off the cuff observation by a senior at work dismantles a self created image of happiness, a statement made in anger by Mom brings tears. The sensitivity levels rip through the roof and I feel I can no longer survive.
At that moment, demons drum in my head, flirting with its fine senses, cajoling me to go further down and attract all the negativity that is ever thrown into the world.

I wonder, how far I can pull on like this..and just at that moment, nature gives me a sign that all shall be fine. I firmly believe in signs and they tell me, I will walk, and walk with a nip of happiness in my gait.
There is one thing that God has given me, only one thing- and that is taking care of myself- nurturing the being that exists--dreams, desires, throbs, thinks and seeks.
And I suffer, when I mute it, with the pressures of the external forces.

Perhaps, I have to remind myself that sometimes, I cannot challenge things and during those times, I should just let the river flow over you. The water plants often survive the floods but not the trees with broad deep trunks and roots.